Letter From a Dead Grocer
Saturday, February 6, 2010 at 12:57PM 
Illustration of Edison's proposed "electric pen", courtesy Flickr | El Bibilomata
My Dearest and Most Loyal Patron,
Forgive the 120+ year delay in writing. Frankly, I've been a bit put out. As you may already know, my favorite cigar-smoking perch has been dismantled.
Yes, I rather enjoyed laying down on the cold marble counter and lighting up while conducting staff meetings. It infuriated Katie and annoyed Brian, something I'm sure you relish imagining.
(I won't bore you with the complicated, flux-capicator-driven methods I employ to run this business from the Great Beyond. Trust me, it's expensive.)
But to the point: my marble countertop is no more. In its place are a growing number of shelves that will be filled with even greater amounts of staple goods and fancy groceries. Why?
Because you have patiently awaited more international items, more cheese, and more wine choices. You have asked for it, and so, it is my duty to provide.
Finally, I would like to address the remarks of the lovely and talented Mrs. Nancy Spahr. She kindly described my shop as "the quirkiest grocery."
I propose she is wrong. In fact, my grocery - the George Bowers Grocery - is the quirkiest specialty grocery in the Mid-Atlantic. Why?
Because you know that I do not cater to the boring masses. My clientele remain the most creative, the most fun, and for that, the best damn folks this side of Staunton, or for that matter, the Great Beyond.
Yours fondly,
George
P.S. I shall enjoy going to downtown's new cigar shop when it opens. I hope the new owner doesn't scare easily. You might want to warn him...
P.P.S. Thank you for nominating us as a local business you love. Much obliged.
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Reader Comments (3)
This is fantastic.
I must say that it does take a good bit to spook me, as well I strive to make my place inviting for all ages (18 on to 120+ *smile*). My name is Aaron and I have reopened the Beverley Cigar Store on 106 E. Beverley St. I am eager to sell and keep your (Mr. Bowers) favorite "stogy" in stock. It might have been the green roll or “candela” wrapper style in your later years, if you (in your first life) lived to your 80's, which was extremely popular from the mid 50's till 70's. Unfortunately there are fewer and fewer manufacturers these days. You will have to tell me!
I had got a dream to start my own company, however I didn't have enough amount of cash to do it. Thank goodness my dude advised to utilize the loans. Thus I used the auto loan and realized my old dream.